Super (S)hero Spotlight: Sioux
“Don’t give up on yourself. So you make a mistake here and there;
you do too much or you do too little. Just have fun. Smile.
And keep putting on lipstick.”
- Diane Keaton
In the summer of 1991 just before I started high school, my friend Sarah asked if I could substitute for her on one of her babysitting jobs. It was a young family with two small boys, ages 2 and 3. Being from a family with all sisters, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with boys but the thought of making my own money overshadowed that fear so I decided to bite the bullet and give it a try.
A couple of weeks later on a very hot summer day in the Sacramento Valley, a little blue Chevy Nova pulled up to my parent’s house. I was to have a meet and greet with the mother of the two boys, Sioux, and her kids, Sam and Jack, before I actually came to their house to babysit. She pulled up and unloaded the two kids onto the sidewalk. As I watched from inside, I noticed her youthful spirit. She had her hair in a perky side pony tail and was wearing a tank top with green terry cloth shorts - which was much more fresh and young looking than anything my own mother wore. Upon meeting Sioux, I instantly felt her enthusiasm and positive attitude. She had a big bright smile, was very sweet and used midwestern phrases like “anywho.” We clicked immediately and it was decided that I would fill in as the substitute babysitter a few days later.
On my first day on the job, I met the rest of the family. Her husband Mitchel and their beloved dog Dino. Mitchel was super charismatic, had a very quick sense of humor and he affectionately referred to Sioux as “Susie.” They were energetic parents, cultured and artsy and so very kind. Dino was a large, bouncy red golden retriever. A gentle giant with a big smile on his face. It was obvious there was a lot of love in this household and I couldn’t help but want to be a part of it. (I mean gosh, even the dog was thrilled to be there!) They got me settled with instructions for the evening and then departed for their date night. That first night with the boys was a success. I struggled through managing the bed and bath routine as this was unfamiliar territory for me but I tried to embrace the boys interests and engage with them as best I could that evening.
What I didn’t know on that first meeting or even during my first night babysitting the boys was that this family was grieving. Just a few months earlier, Sioux and Mitchel had lost their youngest child - a daughter named Cassandra - to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). How they were even functioning much less able to smile during that period of time I will never know. I can’t even imagine the pain they were going through. Somehow though, they were doing it. One day at a time. Step by step.
As the weeks and months went on, I got to know their boys better. I did my best to bring it and have fun with them. We played hours of “red light, green light” in the yard. We walked to the park, walked home to use the restroom when someone forgot to go before we left, and walked back again. We buried Batman figurines in the sand under the play structure and unearthed them… well most of them. We watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and read their favorite books at bedtime. I would return home each time with stories to share with my own family because it was always an adventure with Sam and Jack.
Eventually, my friend Sarah got busy playing high school sports and I became the primary babysitter. There were moments when the boys would mention their sister in heaven or would point out a picture of her in the house. Sioux and Mitchel would do their best to stay strong in front of the kids, but there were times when I could see them get emotional. It was heartbreaking and I always sympathized with them - amazed at their positivity.
A couple of years later, when I got my driver’s license but did not have a car yet - Sioux and Mitchel handed me the keys to their car and told me to take the boys out if I wanted. I was flattered by their level of trust and confidence in me. The boys and I would go to McDonald’s and on short outings - expanding beyond just our walks to the park. Eventually, I reached the highest level of babysitting assignments - an overnighter! Sioux and Mitchel got away for a night and I manned the ship on my own. Now that I am a parent, I can appreciate that they probably needed that night away so badly and I loved the opportunity to make more memories with Sam and Jack.
When I reached the end of high school and was leaving to go away to college, I had to pass the torch but I always stayed in touch with them. I would see them on breaks and try to babysit in the summer if I could squeeze in a night between my summer jobs. They would send me cards at school and things to put up in my dorm room. When I would return home on breaks, they would make the boys ask me what college was like. They boys would roll their eyes but I would try to make it sound like somewhere they wanted to be someday. One day, it was revealed that Sioux was pregnant again. They had decided to try for another child. As it turned out, it was a girl. When it came time to come up with names - Sam and Jack suggested “Cara.” I was gobsmacked.
It was the Spring of 1996 when I returned to my dorm room from class to find a message left on my answering machine. It was Mitchel. Their daughter had been born… and they had named her Cara Jean. As I listened to his cheery message where he excitedly repeated the “stats” of the birth twice, I was in tears. What an honor to have this special baby named after me. And so “Little Cara” and “Big Cara” became our monikers for the years that followed.
Since that special day, I have stayed in touch with all five Bensons. We have seen many phases of life together and experienced many milestones. Birthday parties, high school and college graduations, weddings, new babies, losing pets and adopting new ones, caring for aging parents, many jobs and several moves all over the country. Their children have become thriving adults (I guess those college stories helped!) and instead of me just being their “old babysitter” - we are more like friends. Little Cara was the flower girl in my wedding and life came full circle just a couple of years ago when I was able to attend her wedding.
I have leaned on Sioux and Mitchel for support many times and it is always met with positivity, light and a can do attitude. When I see them, it’s like not a day has gone by and we pick right up where we left off. If I need help, a place to stay, or a shoulder to cry on - I know they will be there in a heartbeat. Sioux is always there with a, “Way to be, Cara!” And when things are not going well, we can talk about the hard stuff too. They embrace my choices and are my biggest cheerleader no matter what path I am taking. I joke that I have been campaigning to be adopted as an official member of “Team Benson” for years - but in actuality they have always treated me like family.
What is undeniable is that Sioux oozes charisma and it is infectious. When you spend time with her, you are met with nothing but love. You immediately feel like you are winning at life. I feel so lucky to have her as part of my tribe. I know that she’s had hard times throughout her life, but she always picks herself back up and keeps going… with a smile on her face.
When I decided to start this series, Sioux was at the top of my list. Other than my own mom and my aunt who have known me since birth - Sioux has been a constant female presence for most of my life. Now that my own mom is suffering from dementia and can not support me in that way, I lean on Sioux even harder. Sioux has been there for so many years that I can not imagine doing life without her in it.
So here is a little bit of wisdom from this wonderful and amazing woman. Enjoy!
In Her Own Words
Do you have a mantra or piece of wisdom that you use as a moral compass? What is it and where did it originate from?
I like to think the Catholic Church taught me about forgiveness. Even tonight, I will pray the Our Father, as I have for decades, which says “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
What advice or wisdom do you wish your 20 year old self had and why?
I would tell myself, “You are smarter than you think.” Hanging out with reporters, I thought I could not keep up with their intellect. I worked with Performing Arts groups, which did not get much respect in terms of professionalism.
What life event changed the course of your life and why? What wisdom did you receive by experiencing this?
Our daughter died unexpectedly. To this day, I still feel broken by her death, and I get saddened when I see people who are mean to their kids. My message is, “Children ARE fragile.” But I also learned, there are many people who have deceased children. It is a tough reality.
What is the most important piece of wisdom that you ever received from someone else and why?
Mom always said, “Don't rely on anyone else to make you happy.” It was a good lesson for when things get tough, then we must go on and keep trying for ourselves.
What is the piece of wisdom that you most share with others?
You can always change your mind, do not feel like you can’t. Follow that inner voice. Nothing is forever.
Final Thoughts
It dawned on me not long ago that my sisters and I each have a “Sue” that has served as a role model for us since we were young. They are mother figures outside our own mother that have guided us through life. Ironically, these ladies are all named Sue/Sioux. There is Sue P., Sue O., and my own Sioux B. I guess you could say that everyone needs a Sue/Sioux in their life. I was just lucky to find mine early on.
To my Sioux: You have been my friend, my mentor and my role model since the day I met you 34 years ago and you always will be. I love you.
